Identity Crisis

Does anyone else feel like they are stuck between their younger self and current adult self?! 40 is chasing me down the last few miles and gaining on me. In only 13 months I turn the big 4-0! Yikes, I was fine with 30, actually liked that birthday, 35 a little tougher but 40 I'm already struggling. Another friend was posting about this on Facebook yesterday so I know I'm not alone.
As I drove to work this morning I felt like so much contradicting!

  • I'm driving to work in my mom car listening to old school hip hop. Blasting Beastie Boys, Warren G and more thanks to the great local station. Bringing back memories or driving around with friends in high school and college. 
  • I'm headed to my part time job (yes I quit a full time career) for 2 part time jobs, makes me feel like a teenager again although these jobs are still big! I headed in today to meet with a big stakeolders about clinical development and funding, yikes!
  • I have a great career but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I wish we as adults didn't have to decide our career direction until we were out in the real world. I mean seriously who doesn't change from when they were an 18 year old college freshman?!
  • I love watching my girl grow up and spending morning being lazy with her watching meaningless TV or playing games but the other part of me wants to be alone drinking coffee or hitting the trails.
  • I watch my girl dance and her excitement with it all and miss my dance days, I think briefly that I can still do it, how quickly I am reminded that I can't!
  • I hate calm, don't like to sit and read (or write, probably why my blog is bare!), TV is boring, I can only watch a movie if I'm also doing something else. Give me activity! Aren't adults supposed to enjoy things like reading, movies, sewing?
  • In running I want to get faster and PR at 5K and 10K but I also want to run a 50 mile and 100K, the runner in me says why not but the coach in me says no way, not at the same time!
What ways do you feel torn? Do you have a big birthday coming up? Share big changes you've made in life.

I've made some big changes over the past year, trying to focus on me, my family and what I enjoy versus what is expected of me as a mom, career woman, runner, etc. More changes ahead and don't worry I will share more about the past year in my 2017 review. 

ETA: This post was actually started in July but much of it continues to be the case. 


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