It only seems appropriate that finally writing a post that has sat in my brain for months comes on the start of a new year for me. Today I celebrate another birthday and a new year that is starting with an interesting start. An unexpected trip to the ER last night with Matt meant an unexpected day off work. Don't worry, all is well, we are home and Matt's pain is somewhat better. And the ER visit may have an interesting opportunity in store for me.
This past year has been a lot about giving up having control of everything and learning that as a mom and runner I can't always be in control of my life and others.O made me start to realize this 6 1/2 years ago but I haven't been able to fully understand the need to let some control go until the day I dropped her off at kindergarten for the first time and knew I had minimal control over the day.
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Over the past few years I have forced myself to do things that took away some control, like jumping on a plane (or a long car ride), sitting in a van with 6 runners (some I had never met) and running 200 miles in a strange state more than once. Most recently having Nichole coach my running has been the biggest choice to give control to another! I no longer decide when and what I run, she does. I know this seems little in the aspect of life but for me this is huge. It is one tiny aspect of my life that means a lot and to not control it is big. I'm also that person who will drive places to have control over when I leave.
I'm sure there is an anxiety component to it which has gotten bigger over the past year, some days just going to work is a mental fight. My biggest thing is bridges, yep crossing a bridge is a huge deal! So much that 2 years ago in Mexico I walked the long way around to avoid a bridge that had me stiff and shaking. For a runner this is a big deal so when I signed up for a race that had about 1 mile over a large bridge I was pretty anxious. Luckily Nichole has a sports psychologist contact who gave me some great advise to focus on the small tasks and my running. So 9 days ago I hit mile 11 and put on the song I needed, faced forward and ran...
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| I ran across that bridge! |
Before I knew it I was over that bridge! I did it! I conquered one moment of anxiety, I took some control while letting some go. While that bridge may not seem big to many, it was a huge accomplishment and symbolic for what I want for my 38th year. Let some control go, focus on what I can do, change what needs to change, stop letting the what ifs take over and just keep going!
So here is to a year of accepting I can't control everything and letting myself become a stronger runner and mom because of this.
Linking up with Jill for
Fitness Friday
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